It has been said that the reason were we born with TWO EARS AND ONE MOUTH is so that we listen twice as much as we speak. If we took the time to listen to each other; we may arrive at a better understanding, rather than talking, but not really hearing what the other person is saying. It is not always about you. Can it be about me too? Can it be about “us?” Maybe?
Let’s say that you are shopping for a car. A random salesperson approaches and introduces herself. She asks what type of car you are looking for. You tell her and as you are walking around she’s asking you a litany of questions. Then she tells you about her son’s baseball game. You are trying your best to be polite. You don’t really know her but you’re glad his team won. But she keeps talking and talking until she talked her way out of a sale. Why? Not because she wasn’t a nice person. She just talked too much, especially about herself. She didn’t listen enough to hear your needs and wants.
Most of the time when we think of negotiating we think of buying or selling something. A sales person wants to please us and make money. We want to buy and save money. Usually when both parties walk away happy, a good deal was brokered. However, we negotiate (sometime without realizing) on a daily basis, for example, times, dates for appointments, even with our partners on choosing a restaurant.
Two Ears One Mouth
The best negotiators use “active” listening. They listen to our needs and wants in order to find out how better to assist all parties involved. A writer should always be a good listener. We can learn more about people by listening to the way they speak and also observing body language (non-verbal communication). Is the texture of a person’s voice high pitched, low, hard, loud, hostile, soft, squeaky or does it quiver? Well, it depends on the person. How he or she may feel at that moment. What is interpreted, internalized and experienced.
I love language. I love listening to different people speak. It doesn’t matter where a person is from: north, south, east or west. Even if I can’t quiet understand the language, I still like to listen. And if I’m in another country, I do try to learn some basic words like, ” hello, please, Thank-you, goodbye, good morning.” People in other countries are usually more receptive when you make an effort to speak their language.
When I was in my early twenties, one of my favorite places was the historic Allendale movie theater in Buffalo, New York. It was where I watched my very first foreign film. I didn’t mind reading the subtitles. I just liked watching the movies and listening to people speak different languages. And although I didn’t know the language, I was able to learn some of the more repetitive words by listening and reading the subtitles. However, I’m not suggesting watching foreign films as a means to learn another language. You may want to try Babbel first.
Two Ears One Mouth
So no matter what language we speak. One universal truth applies; we cannot speak together. As it’s been said, ” we can sing together, but we can’t talk together.” Have you ever had a conversation where someone is talking while you’re talking? ANNOYING RIGHT!!! Of course we know because we’ve done it too. Two people talking at the same time. Two mouths running and four ears trying to keep up.
If we listen to hear rather than listen to reply; we will find that we will get more out of the conversation. Sure we want to make our point before we forget. But not at the risk of stepping on the other person’s toes. No worries. It’s a conversation not a debate. Be patient. Your turn will come. You will find that when you practice ” active” listening, ” actually” hearing what the other person is saying; you will develop an ear for writing dialog. Thus adding enrichment to the characters in your fiction writing and flavor to your journalism. And you also might become a better conversationalist as well.
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